Above me the thunder screamed at me as if it was trying to talk to me. I couldn’t sleep, I was so excited about tomorrow, Me, Riku and Kairi were finally go to leave our island to explore other worlds, which we get to on the raft we made, it was a stormy night I was so worried about raft I decided to go sneak outside, so that I could check on the raft, I left out into the stormy night.
I decided to take my wooden sword with me just in case, while I was running to check on the raft I saw a black monster,with rope like antenna hang over its head, it is completely black expect for its eyes, which were glowing with with hunger, hunger for me. I trying hitting them with my wooden sword but it is useless and I ditch the sword and keep running.
Beyond me Riku was standing on a cliff side staring into the dark abyss that was the storm.”Riku,” I yell out to him and he turns to the side, sees I’m there and smiles calming,which tells me he is ok.”The world’s are open to explore,” Riku says to as I stand in front him “AAAAAHH!” I yell something is travelling up my leg, it looks like darkness has taken a form and is swallowing me whole. I turn and look at Riku, who is also being swallowed by the darkness, except it is way closer to him almost up to his face.
Around me the darkness consumed me, everything goes black. Am I dead or asleep ?
There is a very strong atmosphere and sense of urgency developing in this piece.
An area for close attention now is sentence demarcation. Where do they begin and end – and when are they complex sentences, put together using conjunctions and commas.
Please let me know if you need help repairing the structure of this paragraph.
CW